For Eternity
by ninjagirl1408cb
Summary: Mac and Harm take the road not taken in a not so usual way.
1. Chapter 1

**_This is my first Fanfic. My English isn't very good, but I hope you excuse it. For those, who speak German, I post the story in the German section. Please, review because I like to know, if the story is easy to understand, otherwise I don't try to translate the rest of the fanfic._ **

_**The story stets between Hail and Farewell and Going after Webb from season 10. The characters belong to Belisarius Productions, CBS und Paramount Pictures, not mine.**_

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**0121 Zulu  
Harm's Apartment  
Northern the Union Station**  
Harm had invited Mac to dinner at his apartment this evening. He knew how lonely and vulnerable she had been since Clay's death and how much the message of her state of health got to her heart. She looked tired and exhausted. If he thought exactly about it, it already had been quite a while since he had seen her smile. She always looked sad and emotionally cold. She had fallen in her work, her private life did not seem to exist at all.

Although she didn't speak about it, he had the feeling that he must help her. He only had to have patience and at some point she would have confidence in him and would open completely. Her feelings about Clay's death and the loss of her relationship were probably still too fresh to talk about. And also the news that she could probably never have own children seemed to have thrown her so much from the road that she could not speak with him, her best friend, about that.

Mac had arrived half an hour ago, was now sitting towards to him on the couch. She had crossed the legs on the sofa; her hands were lying in her lap. She cried, had opened to him a little, had just entrusted to him a small part of her feelings. She had spoken about her desperation, her wishes, her lacking trust in her own future. Harm had listened to her quietly, had felt so helpless, incapable to help the woman he loved. He could not bring back dead people to life, fetch back nothing past.  
He could not cure her Endometrioses, was probably never able to give her a child. He had walked across to Mac, had kneeled before her. She felt how her tears rose. " _Do not cry … we can do this_. " His hand touched softly her cheek, wiped off her tears. He could not endure seeing this woman weeping, he wanted to protect her, keep away all conceivable misfortune from her.

It was his task to comfort her, to do everything, so that she felt better. This did he own to the woman he loved so much. He had taken her into his arms, started to stroke in reassuring circles her back. She cuddled up to him, enjoyed his physical attention, the feeling of security in his strong arms.  
Harm loved this woman, could not imagine a life without her. He had already pictured a future with her so often, had imagined how they would spend their whole life together and how they would make love. His body almost cried for being allowed to touch her. And before he realised what he did, he had bent over to her and kissed her at first affectionately, then increasingly demanding.

His hands glided under her blouse, stroking gently her naked skin. She was so soft, so silky, giving him the feeling that he had to touch her or he would die right away.  
Mac had closed her eyes, slowly calmed down. Obviously she enjoyed his touches, nevertheless, she did not seem to be ready to return them. They did not speak, did not seem to want to interrupt the comforting play of their bodies by unnecessary words. He unbuttoned her blouse, lowered his head. His lips touched affectionately her belly. She let strip him off her trousers. Her body arched towards him, seeming to ask for more passionate touches. They did not know whether what they did was right, however, at this moment her bodies seemed to be far more important, than her thoughts and worries.

Even if Mac still cried, she did not reject him, seemed to feel apparently safely in his arms. And he could not stop to touch her gently over and over again, being passionately and affectionately. He kissed once more the naked skin of her belly, then he let his tongue slid across her rib curves, stripping softly the straps of her bra of her shoulders and touched carefully her nipples. She did not frighten back, seeming to have obviously no problems with his more and more intimate growing touches.

He encircled her breasts quite softly, bending down to kiss them affectionately. He did it slowly, trying to rein up his desire to don't forget how vulnerable this wonderful woman still was.  
How often had he already dreamed of expressing all his unmentionable feelings for this woman in a physical act of love? He had always wanted to show her that they belonged together, their bodies required to be one.  
She was so beautiful, so soft, what they were doing felt so right. Harm had striped his shirt, had distributed his whole things on the ground and was now pressing his naked body between her legs. She saw into his eyes, felt how his arousal gently touched the inside of her thighs. His hand touched softly her cheek, for a moment they just looked at each other. Then he entered her, carefully and slowly. Almost in such a way as if he was afraid, she could break.

Mac quietly gasped, amazed by the size and hardness with which she was taken. The laparoscopy was only a few days ago and the huge stretch and the strong pressure on her pelvic musculature hurt, nevertheless, it would not keep her from taking in Harm deeply into her body at this moment. She had not seen him, however, she felt that his cock was unusually big. Greater than all the other men with who she had been intimate till this time.  
Also without the laparoscopy the penetration would probably have been painful for her, because her musculature seemed to be stretched extremely. And although she slowly got used to being filled so completely, each of his still so gentle movements burned. But she ignored the pain. She had to do it to know that she was still alive and able to feel love.

She looked him more deeply in the eyes, lifted her hips demandingly towards his. He did what she asked for. His pushes were calm, went deeply into her womb. He noticed that he hurt her; however, obviously her desire and her arousal were stronger than the physical pain.  
She quietly groaned, indecisively whether before pain or ecstasy. Her lips slowly approached his, touching them softly. He gave up kissing her when he noticed that she still cried and he tasted tears which ran over her face. He had the need to press her closer against his body, to hold her protectively in his arms.

He moved slowly and powerfully, still carefully. Then he encircled her hips, lifted them in his lap and penetrated her more deeply. She nestled her head to his shoulder, her lips touching affectionately his naked skin, his hands stroking softly her back. Finally he felt how her body started to jerk, noticed contently that she was trying to suppress giving a groan full of pleasure. Her orgasm, her contracting muscles which were wrapping narrower around his arousal, than he had ever experienced with any other woman, also carried him over the edge.

And when he found deeply inside her his release deeply inside her, filling her with his cum, he had the wish for the first time in his life that one of his small swimmers found the way and that the destiny would give them a child.

He knew how much Mac desired to become pregnant and how low her chances were. And although he did not know whether she felt the same at this moment, he was longing to become a father.  
Finally he held her exhaustedly in his arms. His fingers were still stroking her back, he did not want to let her go, he wanted to hold her forever. Mac leaned back, still sitting in his lap, smiling at him for the first time at this evening.

He returned her smile and laid her without words on the bed before him. He remained kneeling before her, looking absently at her naked body. She was so amazing, a present of a higher power. When he realized that he was looking at her body as if he was under hypnosis, he smiled at her embarrassedly, uncertainly about what he should do or say. He had used her weak situation, had taken what he already had longed for so many years.

Finally he cleared his throat and said quietly: " _Stay tonight. It is quite late and I did not want you to drive home. _" Mac nodded only, cuddled up protection-searching to his naked, warm body and had soon fallen asleep; her head resting on his chest, his hand stroking affectionately her back.

He lay awake, thinking about what they just had done. He wanted that Mac was happy - he wanted to make her happy, wanted to fulfil her every conceivable wish. His hand had glided unconsciously under the blanket and had remained lying on her belly, his thumb caressing softly her naked skin. He could not describe at all, how much he wished that there, under his fingers, a new life grew up. His child, that his love had given her.

Mac moved, nevertheless, did not wake up. She seemed to sleep so firmly that even his touches were not able to wake her. He smiled. It was a good sign, a sign for the fact that she felt safe. As a marine she ordinarily woke up, as soon as something moved in her nearness. He sat up, lifting carefully the blanket of the upper part of her body. Her chest slowly lifted and fell with every quiet breath. He bent down to her flat belly, covering her skin with gentle kisses.  
" _Please, God, let our baby grow here_ ", he quietly whispered, before his lips touched her belly for the last time. Even if Mac had never really said to him that she wanted to fulfil the baby deal, he knew that she wanted a child more than anything else.

He had covered her again and had lain down besides her, pressing her sleeping body close against his. His hand rested on her belly, like a sign for the fact that if they had created a new life this child developed under his protection and in God's will.

He nestled his cheek closer to Mac's, briefly looking at her peacefully sleeping body, before he quietly whispered in her ear: _" I love you, Sarah. And I promise you, I will not give up rather, before I have not done everything to give you a baby._ " With these words he kissed affectionately her cheek, enjoying the satisfaction to be allowed to hold this adorable woman in his arms. The woman he loved, who he revered and who maybe would be the mother of his children at some time. And eventually he had also fallen asleep too; fallen asleep with the certainty that if she would become pregnant, this baby would be a product from an act of love, even if they did not show this love in public.

When Harm woke up three hours later, Mac was still lying peacefully sleeping next to him. He moved back a little to be able to observe her better. She was so gorgeous, so unique; her olive skin so silk and soft. She looked so peaceful, so relaxed. He slowly bent over her, touching carefully her full and soft lips. His hand briefly touched her nipple, before he encircled both breasts, starting to caress them affectionately.  
Mac did not move, her mouth softening into a gentle smile. Even if he did not want to wake her up, he could not stop touching her body. It was like a compulsion. A compulsion finally to be able to enjoy that what he had longed for so many years. Her skin was so soft and warm, felt so incredibly tender that he had the feeling that he has lost himself in his dreams.  
And as if he had to check whether it was reality, she really lies in his arms; he covered her whole body with other gentle caresses. His fingers slid over her belly, between her thighs. She was so wet and warm, ready to take him again. He bent his head aside, nibbling affectionately at her ear. " _Mac?_ " She moved a little, groaning lightly when he slipped two fingers into her cunt.

" _Turn around._ " He softly kissed the back of her neck, raising her right leg lightly when she lay on her left side. Without effort and resistance he slid into her, pressing himself deeply into the other body. Mac leaned back cuddling up closer to his muscular chest. She was tired and exhausted, but the feeling, finally to be a full woman again, to be loved, was something that she needed more, than sleep.  
Harm barely moved, simply enjoying the feeling to be one with this woman. It felt so right, her bodies seemed like they had been created for each other. His arms were protectively wrapped around her, pressing her gently closer to him, while his lips touched affectionately the back of her neck. So they simply lay there for a while, swung over and over again into ecstasy without finishing the play of her bodies completely.

It was not about sexual satisfaction, about physical desires. It was only a matter of curing their souls, of releasing them from fears and worries. Mac had rolled on her belly, her hip lifted only so far that Harm could move within her without difficulties. He pressed himself deeply into her over and over again, still wanting to take not only her body completely, but also her soul.  
In spite of the slow rhythm Harm reached his climax and when he came deeply within her, his seed shooting to the very depths of her womb, Mac had already fallen asleep, completely exhausted and totally satisfied.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I have tried to find somebody who has English as a mother tongue and who would be able to help me with the translation. Unfortunately, I haven't found anybody. Nevertheless, I hope you understand what the story is about. And if you know someone who is willing to help me with the translation or to correct my mistakes, I would be glad if you let me now._**

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**0247 Zulu  
Harm's Apartment  
Northern the Union Station  
**When Mac woke up the next morning, she felt the weight of Harms body lying protectively over her, felt his warm, quiet breath in the neck of her back, his arms which were firmly wrapped around her. She moved slightly, was reminded immediately and unmistakably of what they had done almost the whole night.

She was a little sore, felt the warm, now limp weight of his manhood still deeply in her body. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath of the fresh morning air. What had she done? She had been so emotional, had looked despairingly for physical attention and safety. Harm had given her what she had required, maybe in a way to which she never should have agreed.

She loved him, but was he also the man she had always waited for? The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? Would they be able to have a future together? If she looked at their past, it almost seemed impossible. There had always been so many complications. Their work, other women, or Harm's obsessed search for his long lost father. They had never had a possibility to begin a relationship without one of them standing between their luck and their desire. And if she looked at the situation in which they were now, she realized more and more how egoistically and certainly they preoccupy each other. She had looked for somebody who took her pain away, somebody who comforted her.  
He had helped her; however, he had also tried to heal his own soul. Mattie had gone back to her father, had taken away the only thing that was like a family to him. Mac had the feeling that he only wanted to substitute his loss, wanted to begin something new so that he didn't have to mourn for the lost one.

Mac felt how he moved, seemed slowly to awake from his deep, relaxing sleep. She felt his lips softly touching the back of her neck, his hands stroking affectionately her naked back. "Good_ morning, Marine _", he whispered quietly between other tender kisses. She closed her eyes. Although she tried to resist his touches, her body was already completely aroused again.

"_Good morning, Sailor_ ", she answered softly, trying not to moan quietly. She slightly moved her hip, rubbing her body slowly towards his. His reaction came immediately and unmistakably, reminding her of the astonishing size that had spoiled her the half night. Harm sat up, moving her up with him in his lap. He wanted to show her that she should take over the direction this time. He had dominated the whole night, had taken over the command. Now it was her turn to show him, what she longed for, what she desired.

She had cuddled up back against his chest, had turned her head back to be able to kiss him passionately. He covered her breasts softly. Their warm, gentle weight felt so right in his hands, still giving him the feeling that she belonged to him, that she was in his possession. She moved slowly, seeming to want to enjoy every second of the play of their bodies. He was so strong, his movements so powerful. He took her completely and gave her the feeling, that she had never been safer in her whole life. His hands moved from her breasts over her belly between her thighs. She gave a loud groan full of surprise and pleasure, amazed by the feeling of his fingers on her clit.  
He felt that she was close to her orgasm, her body pressing demandingly against his hand. And when she cried out her release, her shaking body exhaustedly wrapping around him, he took over the command, pounding more deeply and firmly into her.

He did it until he finally reached his climax, crying out her name before he sank heavily breathing, exhausted and totally satisfied back on the bed pulling her with him. Mac rolled aside, remained lying next to him until her breathing had returned to normal. Then she stood up, covering her body with Harms blanket. He reached for her hand, held her softly.  
" _Mac_ … " She tried to withdraw her hand from him, still avoiding his look. " _Harm, please … I can't_." She whispered softly, sounding desperately, didn't even seem to say what she really wanted. "_ Harm, the night was wonderful. Don't let us ruin those memories by analyzing our actions_." She was now looking directly in his eyes. " _Let us remember the last night as a beautiful experience between the two of us. No more and no less. Don't let us talk about it. It has happened and it was good for both of us. I have a lot to deal with and so do you. Please, give us some time. _" With these words she raised without waiting for his answer. She got dressed and left his apartment without saying any other word. Harm had lingered behind. He was shocked about the fact how apparently unemotional she could leave the last night behind. This night that had been a night full of true, unconditional love to him.

**_10 days later  
_JAG Headquarter  
Falls Church, Virginia  
**Harm went slowly to his office, briefly throwing a surreptitious look at the room of his partner. Mac was sitting on her desk, bending over same files, didn't seem to notice him at all. She hadn't even spoken a word about their only night together, had treated him like there had never been something else between them, than deep, platonic friendship. He had submitted to her will and to his destiny, still playing her game without even mentioning the whole subject.

After the whole affair with Webb he had offered her again, that she could talk to him about everything. But obviously she didn't seem to be ready right now. Clay's sudden appearance, his faked death, the fact how he had lied to her, had used her to catch a worldwide wanted assassin and had set her life at risk without scruples, had shocked her. She was emotionally hurt, disappointed about her own lacking instinct what concerned the way she choose her men.  
And this fact wouldn't make it easier for him to convince Mac to decide on a new man and therefore on him. He had to accept that she needed time and that she maybe would never be ready to start a relationship with him.  
Meanwhile he also avoided the whole baby topic. He had found out a lot about endometrioses on the internet, in books and magazines, had picked out possibilities, which could enable them to have a baby. But Mac had also blocked all his suggestions immediately, still didn't being really ready to talk to him about it.  
This had make up his mind that he had assumed the fact to selfishly, that Mac wished to have a child of her own so much that she would agree to his plan without hesitation. However, obviously her wish for a family wasn't as strongly developed as his. Or maybe she simply didn't trust or love him enough to accept him as the father of her children.

Harm was torn from his thoughts when General Cresswell entered the headquarters and had asked Mac and him to follow him in his office. Harm had stopped briefly, waiting for his partner to come out of her bureau. Then he entered together with her the room of their CO. Gordon Cresswell was walking irritably up and down in his office, waiting for both officers to give him their attention. Finally he stopped, looking at both of them seriously. " _I just had had a meeting with the SecNav. He is furious. How you certainly know, the fraternization cases have drastically increased during the last month. _"

He made a small break, looking searchingly from one officer to the other. Harm swallowed. Was this whole thing a hidden reference to his night with Mac? But how could anybody know about it? How was it possible? Had somebody observed them? He threw a short look at his colleague, hoping to recognise from her facial display if she was as shocked as he. Macs expression was petrified; she apparently didn't know how to answer either.

Finally their Commanding Officer spoke further. The sound of his voice revealed how serious the whole affair had to be. " _2 hours ago an anonymous call was received at the office of the SecNav. A young pilot is accused of having an affair with a Petty Officer from under her Command. She had finished the affair already 7 month ago, however, it had turned out that she had already been pregnant at that time. The SecNav wants the whole business to be handled as fast and discreetly as possible. He apprehended that the media will find out about it and that the reputation of the Navy will sink even further. He wants a so undisciplined and inexcusable behaviour to be punished right away to keep the face of the United Stats Navy and to prevent future offences._"

He had started to run nervously up and down in his office again, just stopping to look inquiringly at his junior Officers. " _What do you suggest?_ " Harm cleared his throat. After it was clear, that this wasn't about his night with Mac, he felt relieved immediately. Also he wasn't sure how he could prosecute somebody who had committed the same crime like he did. " _First of all an investigation according to the article 32. Sir, is there any supposition who the anonymous caller was?_ "  
" _Yes, we have reasons to believe that the anonymous caller was the Petty Officer himself. He was obviously beside himself because Lt. Biwack doesn't allow him to see his daughter. Then he had decided to take away from her, what had apparently robbed him of his love, namely her career. _"

" _But_ _Sir, he would be punished as well_ ", Mac said, looking inquiringly at her senior Officer. " _Yes Colonel, some men do strange things if their male pride was hurt._ " " _Beside, he has a right on his child, Mac_ ", Harm threw in in his usual the father-child-protecting-manner.  
In spite of the serious background Mac had to smile about the enthusiasm and the devotion with which her partner supported children who had to grow up without their dad.  
She knew, he would be a good dad. However, she wasn't the woman who would be able to make him to this caring and affectionate father. Not that she hadn't thought and fantasized countless times about how it would be to have a baby with Harm, but obviously Mother Nature and her destiny had other plans for her. And to those she had to submit.  
Her features had hardened. She had suppressed this topic successfully during the last days and also planed to do this in the future with every thought that reminds her of her inability to carry a child.

General Creswell's voice had directed Mac's attention back to her CO. " _OK Colonel, Commander, as I see, you are absolutely aware of the problems. I expect a fast, thoroughly and very discreet investigation of the case. Dismissed!_ "

A short time later both Officers sat in a car on the way to the base. They had been quiet for a while, avoided every opportunity to look at the other. They hadn't worked together in the past 10 days. And when they had seen each other, they had only talked about professional things. And Harm knew that her work was also a good topic to break the unbearable silence now.  
He cleared his throat quietly, looking briefly at his partner. " _What is your opinion to the case, Mac?_ " He glanced at the woman next to him before his concentration turned back to the street. Mac shrugged her shoulders without really looking at him. " _A clear case of fraternisation. They have both made a mistake and now they must bear the consequences._ " Her voice sounded cold and unemotional if you consider that she also had had a short-term liaison with an officer under the same command.

Harm swallowed. " _A mistake like we had made one? It wasn't more than an affair to you, was it ? _" She could clearly recognize the provoking undertone in his voice. He had steered the car on the parking bay of the base and had stopped there suddenly. He was looking seriously at his partner now.  
Mac got out of the car without answering. She inhaled deeply, turned around to her colleague who had got out of the car as well. " _What do you expect from me, Harm?_ " She looked at him urgently. " _I don't know, Mac. You have avoided me for days. Maybe I just expect any reaction, any explanation why _… " " _Why we can't make it work? Harm, there are always so many complications. Work, other women, searching for your father…_ "  
" _That's all past."_ " _Is it?_ " She looked deeply in his eyes. " _I just want to be with you, Mac, found a family. Quite slowly, step by step, without pressure. Just let see how the things develop._ " He tried to look in the eyes of his colleague, but she avoided his look. Finally she answered, quietly speaking without directly looking at him. " _I'm not able to give you, what you want. Neither can I be the woman you wished for at this moment, nor will I ever be able to give you the children you deserve. _" She took a deep breath, wanting her voice to sound strongly without letting her emotions show.

Harm had walked around the car, was now standing directly in front of her. " _Maybe you are more important to me, than a child._ " He had tried to reach for her hand, but she had stepped back. " _Don't fool yourself, Harm. At the day you loose Mattie to her father; you came to me and suggest to fulfil our baby deal. And don't tell me you didn't want to substitute the loss which Mattie had left in your life._ " She looked at him questioningly.  
" _Actually, I only wanted to make clear to you with my suggestion that I would like to keep my promise. I wanted to give you the possibility to become a mother, because I thought that your wish for a family still exists. I didn't want to push or demand you to do anything you don't want to do, Mac._ "  
" _You have only thought of me? You didn't want a child yourself; you just wanted to make me happy?_ " Her voice had changed; you could clearly hear that she didn't seem to believe him. She even seemed to be a little furious. " _Of course I like to have own children, Mac. I like to have our children. It doesn't matter how, there are so many possibilities …_ "  
Mac interrupted him. She couldn't listen to him She didn't want to. She didn't want to be confronted with all the negative emotions that this subject would bring along. She felt guilty for waiting to long, for feeling attracted to the wrong men and therefore for giving away the chance to have an own family. As much as she tried not to make herself responsible for her infertility, the feeling to have failed as a woman still remained.

She had consciously repressed the steady tick of her biological clock, had convinced herself that there was still enough time left for having children. However, she had been wrong. And now, she had to life with the result. She had started to cry, still trying to speak calmly.  
" _Harm, I can't give you, what you want … what you deserve. You deserve a family. You're born to be a father. And you have to give up everything to be together with me. I can't allow it, Harm._ " She had clamed down a little, had reached for his hand, still pressing it gently. He looked at her, carefully wiping away the tears on her cheeks.

" _I would give up everything to …"_ She had laid her fingers on his lips. " _No Harm, you couldn't. Please give me the time to deal with everything. And allow yourself to think about everything as well. Think about every consequence your decision would have for you. And think about the fact, how important own children are really to you. And then, when we are both ready, we can talk about us_. " She looked at him once again and then went without another word to the base. He looked after her, knowing that the only possibility to win the woman he loved was to let her go now.


End file.
